I don't know where to start or what to call this post. Today has been one of those days. As I write this Cullen is crying in his crib, I'm pumping...yet again (stupid yellow monster) and my heart feels like it is being torn in two.
After Corey returned from feeding Presley last night we talked and I asked what his thoughts were. He said "I think we're going Downtown." When I got to the hospital today his prediction was confirmed. The general consensus is that we just aren't seeing enough progress at this point and she is at the age where we need to rule out other things. What those "things" are I'm just not sure at this point. Half of me is so grateful because overall we have two very healthy babies. The other half of me is saddened because we are still unable to fix what is wrong. It breaks my heart to see her in pain and so uncomfortable.
I spent the afternoon with Presley and kept thinking about all of the moments we're missing without her being home. We aren't getting to see her personality unfold as much as we do with Cullen. She doesn't get to participate in our "family time" with the dogs and Cullen. So many things.
I remember telling Corey on June 6th that I just wanted them to be born. I was so miserable. When they told us that they were going to deliver them I decided that I changed my mind. It became so real. I feel so responsible and just wish I could have carried them a little longer. I realize that this is all completely out of our control and we truly believe that God's will was carried out but I think it's human nature to wonder these things.
We will meet with the doctors on either Monday or Tuesday and will know more than.