October 8, 2010

relying greatly on coffee, grandmas, and God's abundance grace.

We are definitely still alive...barely...but we're here.  I have stole the title of this blog post from a new favorite blog that a friend shared.  The blog is titled It's Almost Naptime and this particular blog post describes all the feelings I have/had about being a new mother perfectly.  I read it and feel so connected to her feelings but I also wish I could write like that!

Presley has been home for 2 weeks now and we have treasured every moment.  My Dad started a question yesterday with "Now that Presley is home and your stress level is down...".  I realize that he mean't we weren't going back and forth to the hospital but this multiples thing is crazy!  There is definitely not a low level of stress in this house!  To top it off their preemies so we're trying to ensure that they're are thriving.

Speaking of thriving, Presley left the NICU weighing 8 lbs 10 oz and 4 days later at her first pediatrician appointment she weighed 8 lbs 14 oz.  We were so excited for that answered prayer because she gained an ounce a day!  We have since been following up with the physical therapist, speech therapist, occupational therapist and gastroenterologist.   As of last Friday at her first GI appointment she still weighed 8 lbs 14 oz. This was discouraging but he wanted to watch her for another week to see if she gained.  Upon her return today she has not gained anymore weight.  My heart is broken for her.  His recommendation is a g-tube for 6-12 months and continue her therapies to ensure that she progresses with her feeding.  This will allow us to give her the remainder of her meals that she does not take and not have to try so long to feed her.  We do not want her to associate negativity with eating and when we are taking an hour to try to feed her that is what we are creating.  He said that as she is getting more food her stomach will stretch and in turn cause her to become hungrier.  It will not stop her from throwing up but that should continue to resolve as she grows and her stomach muscles strengthen.  It will be an inpatient surgery and she will stay in the hospital for 1-2 days after.  As far as therapies are concerned she did wonderfully for her PT evaluation!  They were so impressed with her and the only difficulty she had was turning her head to the left.  For the next 4 weeks they would like for her to have speech therapy and occupational therapy once a week (each) and then the physical therapist will reevaluate her at the end of those 4 weeks.

I can't lie.  Today has been what I hope is a really bad dream.  I felt blindsided by Corey's phone call because I did not expect that we'd have to make this decision today.  I thought we'd try more medications...something...anything but this. In my mind, this was the worst case senario.  We are so lucky to have these children at all and to top it off they are overall very healthy. I've noticed a pattern though with these children and being blindsided.  I decide in my head what I think is going to happen and when it doesn't and it is actually what I'd consider to be worse I don't deal well with it. I did not expect my doctor to tell me that I needed to see a fertility specialist so soon.  I did not expect her to tell me I was in labor...I thought I was going back to work that day!  And when I thought we finally got my labor under control I did not expect to be delivering on June 7th....I thought I'd be in that bed for at least a month.

I am, as we all are, inately selfish and want to stomp my feet and scream when I hear news like this.  I think of how badly we wanted these children...what we went through and all of our time in the NICU and now this.  That is the selfish side of me speaking.  I  know in my heart that all of these things are not coincidences and that God has a special plan for my life and the lives of our sweet children.    I just received an email from a complete stranger as I sat down to type this blog post.  She shared her story of her granddaughter, born May 21st weight 1 lb 4 oz, who was just released from the NICU on September 27th.  God's timing of that email was incredible and I have to believe that he had a hand in that.  My sweet mother-in-love just reminded me that we have to hope and pray that through this experience people will be blessed by Presley.  That as she starts this new journey we can't begin to imagine the people she will come in contact with...doctors, patients, nurses.  We pray that this sweet little girl blesses each and everyone of them.  That she will bring an unbelievable amount of joy and hope to their lives and that we as parents can bless them as well with our faith and love for the Lord.

I had to leave earlier to process while everyone napped/ate.  As soon as I got in the car the song "Before the Morning" was on the radio.  This is a song that has brought so much promise to my life.  It has given me peace in difficult times and I know "it's just a song" but it holds so much truth. If you have the time...please listen.


Here is a sweet video of our little girl when she got home from the doctor today "self-soothing"!  I'm a ding-dong and filmed it sideways so I hope your neck doesn't hurt too bad from watching this!

8 comments:

Katherine, Jerrod and Elizabeth said...

I love reading your blog. I know Josh Wilson from Josh Rosenthal. I love listening to both of them. Glad the babies are doing so well.

Lissa Michelle said...

i love that song before the morning. you are sooooooo strong, and you're going through something that is going to grow you and corey and your babies in a way that is unreal. i know it doesn't seem like it, but I PROMISE that in a blink of an eye, three years will have gone by, and all of this will be a distant memory. you'll go back on this blog and reread everything you just wrote and laugh and cry at the same time remembering all of this. you're a strong, loved, supported, daughter of Christ who is forever and always under his grace. He is on his throne all. the. time.

Mary said...

praying for all of you! i love reading missy's blog at it's almost naptime! :) please let us know if we can help in any way, God will take care of those precious babies.

The Pifer's said...

Oh Brit, My heart aches for you in so many ways. Although I do not know what it's like to be in your particular shoes, and I can't imagine what it's like to be a mother of preemies, I can see the pain in your heart. You are not being selfish...I've learned though this journey of infertility that we are entitled to have these feelings, and we are entitled to express these feelings as well. I do agree with your amazing mother in love that this journey and Presley's story will touch many lives, and that may be her purpose in life. God has a plan, for every one!

My niece had to have a g-tube, she received it when she was just a few months old, it was for different reasons (food allergies), however I can assure you that it never bothered her, it never hurt her, she grew up (now 7) to live a happy and healthy life. When I first saw her she was so tiny for a 3 year old (you may remember her from my wedding, she was one of my flower girls, and her 2 year old brother was just about as tall as she was) it broke my heart...however she didn't let anything old her back, she started to play soccer at 5 (she still had the g-tube), however she had to have it in for longer due to other issues, but I am proud to say that she had it removed about a year ago and it so happy and healthy. I know this story won't ease your heart because as a mother (as I was the aunt) it will hurt knowing your daughter has to have this, it hurt me knowing Delaney had to have one....but please know that it's only temporary. You have a mighty strong little girl on your hands and she will do great.

You are always in our prayers. I catch myself looking around sometimes at others and they seem to have it 'so' easy, they get pregnant right away, there kids seem so healthy, and it seems like they just take advantage of it...I often plead to God to just give me the chance...I don't understand at times...when I am done wallowing in self pitty for myself and come around I know that this was placed in my life for a reason, to make me stronger-to make Zach and I as a couple stronger and to make our relationship with God stronger...I know that this was placed in y'alls life for a reason as well. You and Corey are amazing people (not saying that just because I'm related) :) I love y'all and I know that God beside you, nothing is impossible!

Love you lots!
Tiff

The Pifer's said...

Oh Brit, My heart aches for you in so many ways. Although I do not know what it's like to be in your particular shoes, and I can't imagine what it's like to be a mother of preemies, I can see the pain in your heart. You are not being selfish...I've learned though this journey of infertility that we are entitled to have these feelings, and we are entitled to express these feelings as well. I do agree with your amazing mother in love that this journey and Presley's story will touch many lives, and that may be her purpose in life. God has a plan, for every one!

My niece had to have a g-tube, she received it when she was just a few months old, it was for different reasons (food allergies), however I can assure you that it never bothered her, it never hurt her, she grew up (now 7) to live a happy and healthy life. When I first saw her she was so tiny for a 3 year old (you may remember her from my wedding, she was one of my flower girls, and her 2 year old brother was just about as tall as she was) it broke my heart...however she didn't let anything old her back, she started to play soccer at 5 (she still had the g-tube), however she had to have it in for longer due to other issues, but I am proud to say that she had it removed about a year ago and it so happy and healthy. I know this story won't ease your heart because as a mother (as I was the aunt) it will hurt knowing your daughter has to have this, it hurt me knowing Delaney had to have one....but please know that it's only temporary. You have a mighty strong little girl on your hands and she will do great.

You are always in our prayers. I catch myself looking around sometimes at others and they seem to have it 'so' easy, they get pregnant right away, there kids seem so healthy, and it seems like they just take advantage of it...I often plead to God to just give me the chance...I don't understand at times...when I am done wallowing in self pitty for myself and come around I know that this was placed in my life for a reason, to make me stronger-to make Zach and I as a couple stronger and to make our relationship with God stronger...I know that this was placed in y'alls life for a reason as well. You and Corey are amazing people (not saying that just because I'm related) :) I love y'all and I know that God beside you, nothing is impossible!

Love you lots!
Tiff

ChelseaSalomone said...

Brittani- I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and Corey both. Although I don't know what it's like to be a mom and feel the emotions you are having- I do know very much what it's like to feel the weight of life's disappointments. I know how very frustrating it can be when things aren't easy or the way you always imagined they would be. Hang in there! And thank you for being so real and honest. :)

icenhower-family said...

I'm so sorry to hear of Presley's upcoming surgery! However, like you said...she will bless each and every person the she, and you, will come in contact with! You never know the impact that you have on someones life.

A Punkin Card Company said...

Britt,
Your post made me cry. I can totally understand your pain and I know how you felt on that hospital bed thinking that you had another month to go. Who knew that God would do what he did in our lives, but you have to stay positive for your little ones. They only know pure love, and that comes from you and Corey.